SOS
by bobdabuilder0804
Summary: Old song fic reposted without the lyrics. Bauer. Little bit of Kim and Chase too. COMPLETE


****

S.O.S.

Jack pulled up by the pier, and parked the car. It had been a long two hours and after seeing nothing but pure concrete for that time he was happy to now be facing the clear ocean. He got out of the car, and grabbed his thin black jacket out of the passenger side before locking the doors. He pulled it on as the cool breeze moved his blonde hair around on his head, shrugging it over the thin grey tee he was wearing. He pocketed the keys and pushed his hands into his pockets as he walked. His head turning to the side slightly shielding his face from the cold night air, but his back still straight and his shoulder back, old habits died hard.

Ever since his young arm days he's had his straight back, never hunched. His mind wandered even further back and he remembered how it had all started when he was moaning to his older brother about being smaller than all of the other kids in school, even some of the girls. He remembered how Daniel had laughed and gave him a tip, if you pull your shoulders back slightly and stand straight it makes you look taller and bigger. He couldn't help but smile as he remembered his brothers next advice. '...and if that doesn't work, thump them one!" His smile grew as he remembered the many different times Daniel offered him his expertise advice in situations like this.

He was only a few years older and not much bigger in size than him anyway, but Jack had always thought of his brother as superior to everyone else. He had looked up to him, wanted to be like him. He stepped down the old wooden ramp onto the beach and squirmed slightly as he felt the grainy sand moving beneath the worn tread of his trainers. Sand had always gone through him, despite his great love of the sea itself. It was always a compromise, when he went to the sea, and another one of life's funny little coincidences.

He walked out to the sea line and watched as the waves splashed onto the sodden sand, the tide was coming in. He took a few steps back so he was a few feet away from the waters path and sat down, never once looking away from the sea. He knew why he had driven to this one, when he could have gone to his local one, just a 30 minute drive. It had been a while since he had visited his home town, the last time was after loosing Terri. He came here to find himself, and surprisingly did. This time he didn't think of the times he and her had played in this very sea together as teenagers, the memories didn't swamp him as they had last time. For the first time since her death he realised he really was at peace with it. He had accepted it and moved on. Moved on to what though? Even bigger problems?

A border collie ran by him in the sand barking at the waves and tore him from his thoughts. He watched as it dared itself to run into the sea, but then ran away as soon as the small waves splashed down near it. He nodded as the young woman who seemed to be the owner smiled and passed, with a red lead hanging loosely at her side. He watched for a while as they walked down the length of the sand, the dog doing the same thing over and over, until they were out of view. His smile faded and his face took a more serious tone as he starred out into the distance, thinking about what he had come here to do.

He leaned back deeper into the sand and repeatedly filled his fist with the grit like material before watching it pour out between his fingers, he found it quite soothing, despite his usual feelings about the texture of the sand. As he watched the sand empty out he couldn't help but be reminded of a hour glass, with its sand pouring through and time running out.

He wondered when his time was going to run out. It could be in 10 years time, or he could drop dead right that very moment. Death was a strange concept when you looked at it that way. Everyone was going to die at some point, that was a fact. But when? Now that was a complete mystery, no one knew, it could happen anyway and anywhere. He thought about all of the deaths he had saved, well, prolonged, if you were still thinking this logical way. And the countless ones he had ensured with his own two hands. Most people had deserved it, but some of the innocent ones which were for a greater cause... they were one of the many components which made up his guilt.

Still, looking at the bigger picture made it seem morally right, but on times like these where there was no longer any big picture all you saw were the faces of the innocents lost. They all seemed angry, when Jack looked back, and he couldn't help but wonder why. After all, it was inevitable it was going to happen at some point anyway, why not do it to prolong the life of others, to be part of something bigger? He knew he would sacrifice himself to extend that of others, so why couldn't other people understand this too. Maybe it was selfishness, or maybe it was fear. Or maybe he was suicidal, or just plain stupid.

Still playing with the sand in his hands Jack sat back up and pulled his jacket around him tighter as the seas breeze got stronger and colder. As he was about to zip it up he felt the thin metal flask hidden in his inside pocket. He smiled mischievously to himself and pulled it out, instantly hit with another childhood memory. His 16th birthday, Ron, his best friend back then had filled his fathers flask up with Brandy for him and snuck it to school. He remembered how he had downed it all to impress him, then 15 minutes later fell into the filling cabinet.

He laughed to himself, he could remember it so clearly, First the metal cabinet in the old history room, then later in Geography he fell asleep while they watched some film about a volcano. He remembered how nervous they were that someone would find out, how much trouble they would get in. But it was worth it, he had been the talk of the school for a few days afterwards, and they never found out. At least they didn't think they had. Looking back now, he remembered how the Geography teacher had just shook his head at him before they left the lesson, it must have been pretty obvious.

He smiled as he enjoyed the memories. He knew that all of them weren't this good, in fact most weren't, which was why these ones were so precious to him. He wished he could go back to being 16 and make a few different decisions about his career. Where would he be now if his parents had tried to guide him or give him so direction in life, as his friends parents had to their children? But they hadn't, they weren't interested in the idea of their intelligent son go to college to make something of himself - they certainly weren't interested in paying for him to go to college. So when he suggested the Army as a route to take after school they were only to happy to sign off on his forms and send him off to serve his country.

He wondered if he would have made any different choices if they had been more involved. Possibly, but it wasn't certain. He was smart at college, but he was one of the lucky ones who didn't need to put in effort to pass the test, didn't need to pay attention in class to do the homework - he was genuinely smart. And stubborn too. Very stubborn, and very keen to the idea of joining the army. He laughed again as he realised he's probably still be sat on this sand right now, except maybe he'd have worried his parents some with his dangerous excursions if they cared.

He twisted the top of the flask and took a sip, shivering slightly as the whiskey burnt a path down his throat. It felt good as his stomach warmed, his face and hands still cold. He closed his eyes and laid back in the sand, his thoughts now drifting to the future. Would he ever leave this beach and continuing living life? It was a pretty hard guess and he knew he wouldn't like the odds, that was why he was here after all - one last chance before he threw it all away. This was his last line of defence, and he hoped old child hood memories would be enough to save him because there was nothing else.

He thought about what had driven him to come here in the first place. He had finally tired of his little town house. It was bare and empty and he had recently found it lonely too - not an emotion he was good at dealing with. What has really tipped the edge was when he picked his phone up to call someone. He wanted to talk to someone, for the first time in his life he was ready to open up. And he realised suddenly, that there was no-one to call, no-one would want to listen.

His friends were non-existent, and as for co-workers? Tony was sat rotting away in jail and Michelle had fled L.A distraught. Chase hasn't spoken to him since Kim left him, and his daughter? How could he call her to burden her with his mistakes and guilt once again? Part of him had told himself that calling her to talk would make things better, she would be glad to see him open up. But deep down he knew she didn't want to hear from him, otherwise she would call him every once in a while. Or at least make the effort to sound like she meant it whenever she invited him round. Would it be too much effort to try not sound relieved when he declined?

No, Kim was the wrong person to call and he wouldn't want her to think of him as weak anyway. At a stretch now, Daniel had popped into his head, but then quickly left as he realised he hadn't spoken to him in over 2 years. After the one sided conversations Daniel had finally given up trying, much to Jack's pleasure. Now it was all coming back to spite him, as he needed Daniel, he needed someone, but had nobody to turn to. That was why he had come here. Why stay there when you have nothing? At lest here on this beach he could find something, he could find himself.

He had never been a person who wanted company, and always preferred to be alone after Terri passed. But the silence was now horrifying. It made him want to scream out loud at the top of his lungs to see if anyone could hear him, but he knew there was no point, no one would be listening. He felt invisible at times. Even at C.T.U, where he spent most of his time shut away in his office reviewing documents, tactics, whatever. As long as he was alone and they didn't disturb him he didn't mind, and as long as he stayed out of the way in his office the higher ups didn't care what he did.

The suits, they were one thing that really pissed him off. Dictating orders which would change many other peoples lives without a second glance. Did they ever stop to see how their words were effecting the agents who had to perform the tasks they were too lazy to do themselves? Did the repercussions of failed missions and innocent lives lost in the wars even hit home with them? He doubted it, people were statistics to them, he was a statistic, Terri was a statistic - nothing more. Or maybe they classed her as an inconvenience too, seen as they then had to go out of there way to deal with him because of her. But she was nothing more than that to them, just like all the other lives lost weren't. They were just collateral damage, lost in the fight of someone else's war. They made him sick.

Maybe that was why he had felt so depressed recently? The fact that Brad Hammond had hinted about a transfer for him to Division. That was the last thing he wanted, but he knew why Division would be so keen for it, they would have him in their pocket. He said he would never go, he'd just quit if it came to that. But then what? He knew deep down he would stay, and they knew it too - he had nothing else to do he was trapped. His lack of people to call only proved that. He wanted someone to talk that out with too, but once again he was stuck with himself and his gun, a thought he no longer found comforting.

He stared up into the sky and watched the stars wondering just how many there were. He let his mind wonder this way for what seemed like hours, until he realised he would be getting wet from the tide soon which had crept in closer. He looked around and realised it was pitch black except for the moon which lit up the sky with the help of the stars. He looked around and saw nobody the place was deserted. After a squint at his watch he could just about make out the time - almost midnight. He stood up and didn't know where his new thought came from, but decided to go with it anyway. He peeled off his jacket and shoes, along with the contents of his trouser pockets before running out towards the sea and diving in it. He swam out a little, knowing how dangerous it was to do what he was doing, especially with the tide coming in and the darkness. Still, something just wouldn't stop him.

He felt to cold water envelope him as he pushed himself under the water and swam around in circles, enjoying the feeling of being weightless. After a few minutes he realised he didn't want to push his luck so he pushed himself back up to the surface and made his way back to the shore, using a distant street lamp as his compass - he didn't want to swim out on accident. As his feet touched the ground again he walked back slowly, the weight of his now soaked clothes pulling him down. He slumped back down onto the sand and wondered where his sudden childish outburst had come from. He didn't know, but he didn't care. The air was cold and his was soaked, not a good combination.

He gathered his things and pulled his coat back on before plodding back up the ramp and onto safe ground. He wandered round the streets until he arrived back at his car. He sat in the seat shivering from the cold disappointed - he had hoped to feel something, anything from being here, but he hadn't. He felt defeated - he really did have nothing.

After driving round aimlessly with the heater on full Jack finally stopped the car. As he looked out of the windscreen he was shocked to see he had driven to his old home - he hadn't realised at the time, but here he was parked in his mum and dads old space. He opened the door and got out slowly as though it was going to bite him. He walked over the road and stood outside the old red gate with the paint still chipped from it. He had to smile at that, he could remember Daniel's 'special' paint which he had bragged about saying it would leave a fine coat forever, but had then started peeling off only a week later.

He saw the lights were out and for a brief second wondered if he parents were asleep. It happened sometimes, when he would completely forget about the gravestone with their names carved in where they now lay - they had been dead over 15 years. He nodded his head in embarrassment at forgetting before walking slowly back to the car, he found the presence of the house too overwhelming. As he slumped back into the drivers side he hung his head saddened. He had always wished his parents would be more interested in him. Sure they gave him what he needed and loved him too, but that was all. They never really talked and they didn't know what he was really like. That was his one regret with regards to his parents - he wished he had got to know them too.

As he thought of this he thought of Kim. How much did she know of him? Not much, he though saddened. He couldn't even talk to her, so was he worse than his parents? He wondered how Kim thought of him and got worried. He didn't want her to live with the same regrets as he did.

Starting up the engine Jack sped off, heading back home. He felt really bad, he had considered ending his life. Would that have left Kim with his regrets? He couldn't do that to her, it would be selfish and unfair to burden her that way. He drove the car at a top speed racing through the red lights - it didn't matter, the streets were deserted at this time, expect for the occasional taxi carting another drunk group of friends home. He paid attention to the road, he didn't want to somehow mess up and crash the car killing himself .

He smiled to himself as he realised it had worked again, the beach. His intentions on the journey were that he would probably kill himself soon. He didn't mind it actually, he had nothing else going for him. But now, merely hours later he was rushing back home to let the world in, and the worst thing he could do was die. He didn't know what it did to him being here, but he wasn't going to complain, it had probably just saved his life. Now all he had to do was make it worth living again.

Pulling up outside the large white town house Jack finally let go of his tire grip on the steering wheel. He had made it. He didn't hesitate to get out of the car nor did he realise he was banging on the front door until he herd the sound of his hands colliding with the material. After ten minutes of banging on the door he started knocking on the window. Of course they would be asleep at almost four in the morning, but this couldn't wait. He had to tell his daughter. A few minutes later Jack herd the sound of a window opening. After taking a step back and tilting his head he could see a tired Chase leaning out of it trying to see what the hell was happening, clearly disorientated.

"Jack?" He called out confused.

"I need to see Kim is she there?" He could see the worry and hesitation sketched on Chases face through the dark and knew why, but he had to convince him. "Please Chase its important, I need to talk to her."

After a brief nod of his head the window was put back in its place, and after another ten minutes the door opened and there stood Kim, in a simple white night-gown. She looked beautiful, he thought, all of a sudden feeling extremely proud that this woman was his daughter. She stood there rubbing at the sleep forming in an eye with a confused look on her face, she didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Kim, I'm sorry to come here like this but-"

"Dad your soaked through." She asked confused, the porch light not illuminating both of them now.

Jack let out a slight chuckle. "Yeah I am... I went for a swim in the sea."

"What?" She said shocked, wondering if her father really had lost it.

"Kim." He said interrupting her, his tone making it clear he wanted to speak. "I want you to know me."

"What?" She asked, again not understanding what he meant.

"I want you to get to know me, not Jack Bauer but me, your father... and I want to know you too..." He trailed off suddenly embarrassed. The fact that she might not want to know him never once occurred until now.

Kim stood there taking it all in as though searching her mind for a plausible answer.

"I'd love to get to know you Dad." She whispered as she realised what this meant. He was finally going to open up to her, he was going to be her father again.

Realising there were now tears coming down her face she stepped out of the house and flung her arms around him and the two stood that way for minutes. Jack held on for dear life, he knew what would happen is he somehow let go. He could hear Kim crying and realised there were tears streaming down his face too. He didn't care. He closed his eyes and hugged his daughter, he had been waiting so long for this.

Chase stood in the hallway with Angela wrapped in his arms who had woken up from the noise. He smiled at the two before stepping into a room to give them some privacy.

After pulling away to wipe the tears from her face Jack could see she was beaming with delight.

"What brought this on!" She asked bemused. She didn't really care, she was just so happy.

"I guess you could say I found myself." He said quietly, never taking his eyes of her.

Kim started crying once more and Jack hugged her again.

Newly reunited father and daughter stayed this way until the early hours of the morning, stood on the porch outside cradled in each other arms. They had finally found each other.

Thanks for reviewing reviews are all ways good!


End file.
